As the days were numbered before Meisa was born, my husband and I struggled with the realization of having one child to growing to two. We wondered how does the heart expand to make room for a second child? Kai was the center of our world for five years and it was so hard for us to wrap our minds around how that happens. I remember messaging one of my mom friends about it and her words were so accurate. She said, "I felt EXACTLY the same and, trust me, your heart will expand further. Especially along the way as you see their relationship develop. Your heart will burst again and again as you see Kai hold his sister, help her, adore her, teach her..." At that time, I trusted her words but I had no idea how much truth were in those words. Today, I see Kai adore his "precious baby girl" (as he describes her) and be the sweetest big brother. Seriously, it's heart melting. And, truth be told, the heart really does expand and has lots of room for the love for all of your children.
But, one thing I guess I didn't consider processing along the way was the WAY that having a new member of the family around would affect Kai. He started acting out, getting jealous, and voiced concerns that he felt like we didn't pay attention to him as much. Ugh! It was heart wrenching...and frustrating to deal with the new Big Brother Kai. He would say, "All you guys do is feed Meisa, feed Meisa, feed Meisa and give her all of your attention. Nobody spends time with me." And truth be told, we were really focusing a lot of attention on Meisa...because, well, #newbornlife, you know what I mean?? I remember looking at my husband and he looking at me like, "Uh oh, what should we do?"
Here are three things that my hubby and collaboratively decided to do:
- Encouraged Kai to be a part of taking care of Meisa - Anytime Kai asks to help us out, we never hesitate. If he wants to burp her, we let him pat her back. He is a big part of bath time, he's the entertainment and dances and sings for her. He's asked, "When is it my turn to hold her?" So we allow him to hold her and get his snuggles in. Whenever she cries, he's the first to jump up and calm her down by placing his hand on her chest or plays her music toy which he thinks is soothing to her. It's all very sweet and helpful...now if we could just get him to change her dirty diapers! Ha!
- Praise, Praise, Praise - We always try to be positive with Kai, but we've been noticing that he definitely has been thriving more when we praise him. With the start of Kindergarten, it was interesting for us to hear him be so stoked when his teacher told him his artwork was "BEAUTIFUL!" He told us how much it meant to him and he's been hoping to hear that word again. In the home environment, we have conscientiously made the effort to include a lot more praising when he helps out with his sister, helps out around the house, gives a good effort when he's doing distance learning, etc.
- Time alone with Kai - Thankfully, we have a great support system. So, when my parents said they'd watch Meisa while we had a Kai Day, we jumped at the opportunity. To go from being the center of our attention for five straight years to having to share it with his baby sister, Kai definitely deserved some Mom and Dad attention. We had a beach day and topped it off with Kai's choice for lunch: McDonald's. Not Mommy and Daddy's favorite, but we had to remember it was Kai's special day. Having a day together, just the three of us, was extremely special. We definitely want more of those because it's nice to be able to focus ALL of our attention on Kai. We look forward to more dates with Kai either with Mommy and Daddy separately or all three of us together!
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